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The sound of the wind is scaring me, I wish you were here on the phone telling me it’ll all be okay…

I saw her today in Sultan Centre at 8AM. She was arguing on the phone to you, upon finding out that it was me behind her at the cashier she shot me an evil glare and politely ended the argument from her end.

You were always easy-going F, what happened? 
It made me smile knowing you arent happy, I would never wish unhappiness to anyone but I really dont wish you well… Really.

I actually feel kind of stupid doing this…

F, if I could tell you everything I ever wanted to say it would take me a lifetime. I’ve always had a thing for you, every single time we were out together I was an emotional wreck on the inside, every time I told you I couldn’t wait for ‘that’ guy to come into my life I was implying you were ‘that’ guy, every time I saw a shooting star I wished for you to be mine.

 

Someone once told me that it’s harder to let go of something you never really had, but I always had you, as a friend, a confidant, a savior, a brother but never in the sense that I wanted, which was a lover. I tried and tried to tell you how I feel but whenever I saw you the words escaped me.

I always wonder if I will ever get the chance to tell you how I feel and if that day does come F, I know we could make it work. You constantly told me to be patient and. I waited F and I was patient but I never expected this.

I miss you, when our songs play on the radio, when I drive down that road that you like, when I eat pizza and dip it in HP sauce, when I see a car like yours, when I flick through our photographs on my computer, I miss going to the beach, tanning on the hood of the car, our crazy antics we got up to everyday. It was just me and you F, it was perfect until she came along and destroyed what we had.

I miss you more than words can do me justice, I regret telling you that what we had was over because the truth is that inside me it lives on and on and on. I couldn’t bare to see you with her, it hurt me to a point that I can’t even describe.

Its the simple things F, like when my car breaks down, my instant reflex would be to call you, but I can’t do that anymore ‘cos you’re not in my life, everyday I’m learning but missing you hurts me deep down in the heart I thought I never had. You told me that everything heals in time, but your memory is a wound that the sutures just can’t seem to fix.

This is my fate, my destiny… It’s the circle of life, the two of you belong together and I will have to one day be content with that, until that day comes God only knows the hardships I’m going to face. I’ll have to suck it up, snap out of this world and come back to reality, the reality in which you belong to someone else.

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